Mrs Parrott and the Meat Ice Cream.
A Potted Autobiography in Ten facts.
Hello!
I have been a little quiet of late, which stems from some health things which have taken me away from my laptop. Sitting in a variety of waiting rooms has meant that I have been afforded dead time. To kill time I started to compile a list of ‘interesting things I have done’ and, because I have no one else to tell, I’ve decided to let you, dear readers, share ten of the best from the list. Here they are, in no particular order:
1) I have never had a physical fight. I was punched once; I was eating a pizza in a restaurant in Leicester Square by myself, when a fight broke out next to me. One bloke aimed his fist at another one and missed. I was in the cross hairs and it landed on my shoulder. It was fine, the power had gone out of it by then and it didn’t really hurt. I just moved to another table.
2) I was stopped in the street outside Waterloo station and asked if I was up for an impromptu live TV interview. I said yes. Unfortunately, it was regarding people eating junk food and asked what I had in my shopping bag. I had just bought four jam donuts which I had planned to eat alone in my bedsit, the shame still haunts me.
3) I have flown a plane.
4) I have flown in a glider, it was awesome.
5) The previous two facts stem from my time in the RAF Cadets. When the flying turned into marches and physical stuff, I transferred to a scheme to do light gardening for pensioners. I used to visit a woman call Mrs. Parrott. She made me and my friend pull up a tree by its roots. She would give us overly sweet orange squash and choc ices that tasted of meat because she kept them in the freezer with the chops. She had just lost her husband, so I didn’t say anything.
6) I cannot stand it when people write on their hands. It makes me feel sick. My dad drew a flower on me when I was little and it freaked me out as I thought it would poison me.
7) I was once woken up in the early hours of the morning by a girl breaking into my council bedsit through the kitchen window. I don’t think she realised that I only had the one room. We had a pleasant enough conversation, in which I made it clear that I had nothing worth stealing and she could leave through the front door. She stole my last four pounds anyway.
8) When I went to see the first Sex Pistols reunion in Finsbury Park, I got a migraine and fell asleep missing the entirety of the Warm up set by Iggy Pop. A stranger lightly kicked me and said ‘Wake up princess’ just as the Pistols were taking the stage. I left ten minutes in because I felt dreadful. I might also have been drunk.
9) I can dismantle a rifle and put it back together in the space of five minutes. My school had an armoury. Which was fun.
10) I was accidentally caught in a riot in central London. It had started out peaceful but started to go on the turn and eventually started to kick off. To make matters worse, someone used my shoulders to spring up on and throw a milk bottle at the police, which then triggered a shout of ‘CHARGE’ and a line of Mounted officers drove their horses straight into the crowd. I won’t lie; it was a lot of fun.
Yes, this post is a bit of a placeholder, I will be back with the usual stuff in due course. Happy Solstice.